Why is that I treat those closest to me the worst?

I'm puzzled that I keep making the same mistake, over and over again.  What happened to: "Learn from your own mistakes"?  Well, I guess in my case, I never learned or chose not to.  It wasn't until many years ago in my twenties that someone pointed out the fact that we often treat those closest to us the worst.  If this were a crime, and maybe it should be, I'd receive the death penalty.  I almost did.

I place my valuables such as jewelry, birth certificate, bank documents in a safe but when it comes to the people I love and value the most, my behaviors and actions show that I toss them aside by taking them for granted.  Instead of the safe, I treat them by throwing them down the drain or dumping them in a sewer.  Why?  Why do my actions speak so differently than my words or thoughts?  Partly, I think I often become too comfortable in my nest, my home.  Just the word 'home' alone implies that these people have gone out of their way to look out for my best interests, make the surroundings warm and loving, and provide emotional nourishment which I am so seeking.  And I treat them like dirt, not all the time, but the large majority of it.

I act in the antithesis of "Treat others like you want to be treated".  Well, with that said, I certainly do have double standards. And I hate mixed signals and inconsistency.  I can't stand it.  So therefore, taking a logical approach, the only answer is that I must hate myself.  Not true though because down deep at the core I have always loved myself even through struggles and despair.  Then what?  Am I using the approach, I'll hurt you before you hurt me?  Possibly. But there is no impending danger. No threats have been made.  The only conclusion is that I don't think I deserve good things. I am not worthy. And I have a hard time holding on to the good.  These three statements have been the negative self talk in my head for a long time.  But...

It doesn't give me license to hurt anyone, especially those closest to my heart.  If anything, these people are the ones whose words, actions, thoughts, behaviors sync and have consistently demonstrated love.  My wish is to change.